Round 2 begins

So, as I mentioned previously, we had decided to go back to Concept Fertility Centre, due to the dismal result I received with my attempts with naturopathy. At the time, I was hitting rock bottom.

I just could not get my head around the idea that we were both medically fit and healthy, and "there was no reason why we couldn't conceive." I sometimes wished that the doctor hadn't actually told us that. Sometimes it felt as though it would have been easier to deal with if I actually HAD a reason/cause that prevented me from having babies. At least that way, I could attack the situation and deal with it and get some bloody RESULTS!

But I digress, it was actually a phone call to my dad that helped get me back on track again. He was the one that suggested it could be a mental thing that was holding us back. This made a lot of sense to me. Physically we were fighting fit...but mentally? Perhaps I needed a bit of a work in that area.

So I did! I worked on refocusing my energy and changing my outlook. I really worked on viewing the possibility of IVF as resulting in a baby...and not a $20,000 debt. It changed me. Because that had always been my secret fear, not being able to cope with the financial stress and the repeated failures. Now, I have to focus on working towards a positive end result.

Like the doctor said, "there's no reason why you can't."

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Hitting another pot hole

The other night I went to visit my naturopath to restock on my herbals and vitamins. Now, my naturopath is a lovely lady who has the gift of the gab. Her only trouble is knowing when to stop sharing that gift with others. I found that I would only answer her with one word because I was afraid any more would incite more conversation.

When I first started seeing her I found she was always so positive, and she really helped turn me around when I started to slip into my little cloud of despair. She had a lot of confidence about my situation and told me stories of her other clients that she had helped to fall pregnant. But on this occasion, it was just a bit too much for me.

She told me about a woman who had ovarian cysts and one month after taking her herbals, she fell pregnant! She then discovered that her cysts had miraculously vanished during a following check up. She was over the moon. She felt she could pass her good fortune on to a friend of hers who had just suffered a stillbirth at 36 weeks. She gave her friend the rest of her herbals, which resulted in her falling pregnant a few months after that.

I really did not know what to say when she was finished. I think I just nodded dumbly, because God knows I didn’t want her to keep talking. But honestly, what sort of a reaction could anyone expect of me? Of course I wish these women the best of luck, but their stories had no personal meaning for me whatsoever.

Instead, all I could hear was that these two women – who had genuine, diagnosed health issues – were falling pregnant in less than 3 months of miracle herbs and I wasn’t. FIVE MONTHS I’ve been doing this!! Hubby tells me that my naturopath was sharing this story so I could see that she has successfully helped infertile women fall pregnant before and she could do the same for me. Sorry, no! It had the opposite effect. If two women with obvious health problems are getting pregnant and I’m not – obviously this means that there’s something more seriously wrong with me and no one knows what it is. Which only lands me back in square one, not knowing where to go and what to try next.

Everything always leads back to the same question: If I’m perfectly healthy, why can’t I fall pregnant?

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