Continued side effects

I managed to get an appointment to see my dermatologist last Friday afternoon. That was great news. However, I ended up sitting in the waiting room for an hour before he saw me...not so great. When I finally got to see the receptionist, she kindly looked into it for me. I could hear her conversation from the waiting room, but particularly noticed his response "Oops".

I was seeing red at this stage. This is exactly what happened to me last time I was there 2 years ago. But luckily, last time I ended up seeing another doctor, Dr. Chang. And he was superb!

Dr. Chua saw me after his next patient. The consulation went as normal. He prescribed me an antibiotic and a gel for my post-adolescent acne invasion. I paid on my way out. My blood pressure returns to normal.

Sunday. I go to take in my prescription where the chemist tells me the gel he prescribed me will cause fetal defects. Fetal defects! I could not believe the incompetency of that man! I told him I went off the pill! Thankfully, the Chemist kindly offered to sort it out with the doctor for me. Blood pressure receding...

Monday. I get a phone call from the chemist. He tells me that Dr. Chua told me about the side effects. Really? As a woman trying to conceive, I think I would remember if he mentioned something about fetal side effects. If he had said something, I think I would have had something to say about that.

Grr!! He's so incompetent!! And I have to see him again in December...shudder. Why? Why! Why! He is the fly in my ointment!!!...or fetal killing gel as the case may be.

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Unlucky No.4...

Well, today should have been a prescribed turkey basting, but yesterday I went for my blood test and the nurse rang me back with some unexpected results. My estrogen levels had actually dropped instead of increasing, which is not what should be happening if you're on Femara. So they cancelled this cycle.

Weird.

Now I have to call back on Monday and book another appointment with my doctor. I guess the stars haven't aligned for me this month after all.

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Who to tell?

I was talking with a colleague the other day about having babies. When I have these conversations with people I always have that question in the back of my mind "do I want to tell them?" Then that question leads to:"How are they going to react?", "Am I going to cry?" and "Who are they going to tell?"

On this particular occasion, I was riding the emotional tight rope, so I didn't think I could have a decent discussion with her without the need of some tissues. She is the type of person whose eyebrows would immediately drop down sympathetically at the sides and apologise unnecessarily, and I need to have a strong game face on for that. I didn't mind her knowing, it's just that I know I wouldn't have been able to contain myself and I didn't feel like embarrassing myself again that day.

But there are definitely people I choose to avoid. Those people carry a ridiculous level of expectation and have their own agenda behind that question "so, when do you think you're going to have babies?" There is the over-eager friend, who tries to push the wonders of motherhood on to anyone of child-bearing age. I even had one tell me "You should have one soon, you're not getting any younger." And I was the same age as her. There is the family member who is looking for another cousin/playmate for their own kids. And there is the grandparent, eagerly awaiting the next grandchild - even though they already have 5 or 6.

You see, the thing is, if I told them my situation, I anticipate their reaction to be something like this:
THEM: "Oh no...have you been to the doctor?"
(No, I took a survey in a magazine and they told me I couldn't have babies)
ME: "Yes"
THEM: "What did they say?"
ME: "We're perfectly healthy."
THEM: "Have you tried this?"
ME: "No."
THEM: "Have you tried that?"
ME: "No."
THEM: "Don't worry. It will happen."
(Of course it will! Because you know so much more about my body than myself or my doctor. How ridiculous of me to have worried for nothing... No, it's NOT going to happen just because you said so! But thanks anyway for your useless input.)
ME: "Yeah, we'll see."

Sigh...sometimes it's just better that some people don't know.

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Lucky No. 4?

Femara, also similar to Clomiphene

Well, we've started our fourth IUI.

This will be my second chemically assisted turkey basting. I take 2 Femara tablets each day from day 2 to day 6. I've been a bit scatter brained, so I forgot on day 2, but we'll see how we go. Last month I got really bad headaches while I was taking them, but they haven't been too bad this time. I've just been on this emotional tight rope instead! I was ready to tip either way on day 4. Poor hubby. Poor dogs. I called one of my dogs a shithead for jumping to greet me that morning. What kind of mother talks like that to her fur-babies? That behavior is so unlike me.

Other things in our life have really turned around for us this week, so we're both feeling very positive and optimistic. Hopefully that will help with a positive outcome for us at the end of this month.

Cross fingers!

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Untold Side Effects

You hear scary things about the side effects of drugs during IVF. Kicking your hormones into overdrive wouldn't sound appealing to the worst of people. But no one told me about the side effects of going off the pill.

Not long after I stopped taking the pill, my work pants had become uncomfortably tight. The only way that 5c coin could come out of my pocket was if I removed the pants first. I had to start wearing bigger shirts to cover the overspill around the waist band. I hadn't really heard of girls putting ON weight after they had gone off the pill...but there you go. Hubby suggested it was just my age catching up to me. I suggested he start running before my fist caught up to him.

But perhaps the worst thing was waking up to find a teenager's face looking back at me in the mirror. No, not beautiful and youthful...it looked like Dominos had opened a pizza shop on my face. It's unbelievable how my face just exploded with acne. It actually looks worse now than when I was a teenager...how did that happen? It wasn't bad at first, but it got gradually worse. I tried the amazing ProActiv and - to it's credit - it did a pretty good job for just over a year. But my eczema started to play up, so I had to give the PA a bit of a break. And then my face exploded. It was like pimple would burst from another pimple, until tiny, inflamed himalayan bumps developed around my mouth, nose and forehead. Every time I visited the bathroom, one or two new ones would have popped up. It is so embarrassing to be a 30-something year old woman with a pizza face. And I can't wear too much make up because of my eczema...Grrrrr! So frustrating!!

Off to the doctors again - the Dermatologist this time! PLEASE have a miracle ready and waiting for me! Pump me full of drugs if you have to - just give me my old face back!

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