Cousins and Friends

I received the most amazing news today. My little brother and his wife, newly married, will be expecting a baby...the same time as us. His wife is 6 weeks and I'm 5 weeks.

All of a sudden, it's real. I could visualise our kids playing together. I imagined that we both had little boys and they would become the best of friends. They would be ridiculously close in age. It's something I'd always wanted but didn't think I'd have, as my brothers and I have large age gaps between us.

My older brother and I are 4 years apart. He had his first son when I was only 18 and having children didn't quite fit in with my life plans at that stage. My younger brother is 8 years younger than me, and I never expected that we would be having kids at the same time, but there you go. My youngest brother is 15 years younger than me (he's still at school) and I'm sure I will be physically unable to have kids by the time he starts.

I have already fallen in love with this idea. I really, really want this now. This has snapped me out of denial, and I've finally admitted to myself that I'm pregnant. I haven't let myself accept this pregnancy for a number of reasons. I know there is the risk of losing it, and some say the risk is higher with IVF. This had made me a little anxious and over cautious. I find that I always need to remind myself that so many women have already had beautiful children from IVF as well. But again, I will feel safer after 12 weeks.

But the main reason for my self denial is that I'm afraid to let my guard down. I don't want to bottom out on the next speed bump that comes our way. The last few years have been such a struggle for us that I've come to believe that good things just don't happen to us at all. Now all these amazing things are starting to happen for us and I feel as though this is all too good to be true. I just keep waiting for something bad to happen. But it's not. It won't. We're moving back east. I'm pregnant. My brother is expecting a baby at the same time. I think it's meant to be! I'm just over the moon that I'll actually be on the same side of the country to share it all with him.

Now, Little One, I am so excited for you to meet your new cousin. I think you two will be great friends, whether you're boys or girls. Your Nana and Koro (Grandfather) will be so pleased. Two more mokos (Grandkids) to be spending Christmas with this year!